I asked my fiancée many times, when we first started dating, what her definition of love was. At the time, I found it irritating that she consistently responded with “I don’t know,” and “It’s just a feeling.” I thought for a while about how there had to be a concrete definition of love, some rational way of explaining it. Over time, I began to understand that a perfect definition of love is impossible; for it can’t escape the restraint of language. That’s why it’s best explained by its core characteristics. It is important to note that I’m talking about love in a general sense, not just romantically.
“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” – Romans 12:10
Love is…
Love is a choice.
Love cannot be passive, it is a pursuit. People we consider “loving” individuals often have to learn to love even when it is inconvenient, illogical, and difficult. They intuitively understand that sometimes the best way to implement a trait is to pretend that you already have it.
Love is a chisel.
We all see potential in people. Love makes you care enough to chisel away at the rough. It is vital to understand that love requires honesty and compassionate confrontation. The archetypal “devouring mother” is a massive problem in Western culture today. One’s potential for good must never be sacrificed for short-term peace.
Love is sacrifice.
Many stories utilize the element of sacrifice to serve as evidence of one’s deep love for another. Sacrifice, a necessary byproduct of love, can be traced back to the story of Cain and Abel. God was displeased with Cain’s sacrifice, his literal sacrifice being only a reflection of his intent, thus leading to the first murder in history. Sacrifice and love are interchangeable.
Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. – Matthew 7:12
The Golden Rule
The golden rule says to treat others how you would like to be treated. This divine announcement is predicated on the idea that if left to our devices, we will always love ourselves foremost. Our selfish roots run into the deepest and darkest corners of our hearts and can remain hidden from others and even from ourselves—whether consciously or unconsciously. Ask yourself, what your goals are (the ones detached from divine guidance) and trace that root desire back until you find the fundamental and purest reason behind them. More often than not, you’ll be left with yourself. Nourishment for the soul
As I said earlier, love must be active. When you decide to make love a part of your fundamental core of being, it will naturally ooze out in everyday life. This, over time, provides nourishment for one’s soul, providing a sustaining joy that doesn’t leave as easily as happiness attained through hedonistic desires. This, in turn, causes loneliness and depression to subside. Brotherly love requires consistent attention to others which diminishes self-obsession and forms bonds with others.
The Horror of Betrayal
In Dante’s Inferno, hell is divided into nine layers. The sins of lust, anger, greed, and other vices characterize the upper layers, but Dante saved the lowest layer for Satan and the sin of betrayal. Hate and indifference are the opposite of love, but betrayal requires love, or the appearance of it, to begin with, and then willingly contradicts itself. Betrayal is the pinnacle of human treachery.
“Hell is the inability to love” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky.
The Absence of Love is Hell
To lack the feeling of love naturally makes life (and death) miserable. Having the inability to love naturally cuts you off from all good and heavenly things in this world. This quote can be taken literally because Christ is the source of all love. To be separated from Him, which renders you incapable—or even incapable of attempting—to love, is an attribute of hell.
God’s Measure of Love
C.S. Lewis talked about how God doesn’t measure us by an objective scale of a deed [love], but by the effort it takes to produce it. For example, if I decided to give $10,000 to the poor, but I’ve never given money to the poor before because I am naturally frugal and stingy, as everyone has instinctual vices they are inclined to, God would be very pleased. However, if I give away $100,000, because I don’t care about money, but I remain unmovable in sins that are of more temptation to me, then God would be less pleased. The human judgment or standard to measure one’s love is infinitely less important than how God views it. We can’t view it through God’s eyes because no one knows us more deeply than Him, not even ourselves.
A Risk Worth Taking
This approach is a risk. Your love won’t always be reciprocated or appreciated, but it will most certainly be noticed. Although cliche, simple things like helping an old lady cross the street or paying for the food of the person behind you in the drive-through are great examples of how to practically apply this. It’s an attitude that applies to everyone, everywhere, derived from a Christ-like mindset. It’s how you react in good times and bad, to worthy and unworthy people. If you consciously apply this more often, everyone around you—including yourself—will reap the benefits.
